Tonight I find it hard to sleep. A hundred thousand needs dance before my eyes. When I close my eyes to sleep, it seems all I see are doors standing wide open.
Today I did a border run to the country beside the one I live in right now. Going there brought back memories of a trip last year, a trip to a sunburnt village nestled in the emerald green of rice fields, where roads run brown and red, poverty is strikingly obvious, and children with browner skin than what I see here ran barefoot through the never ending mud. Something in me tugged viciously today as I travelled over the border for only ten minutes and came back.
And yet, I am quite sure that God brought me to this country for a reason as well – the vision of a pastor and his daughter, and amazing one, and one I would be honored to be a part of, not to mention a handful of other opportunities.
Still, yet something else tugs at my heart as well. Some of my own people back in my homeland need Jesus. Few Christians realize that. And who could tell them better than me, when there is no need to learn another language and culture?
I hate decisions, even though they bring the scent of exciting changes and adventure. There are always too many different elements to consider…. “Is this what God wants or what I want?” “Is this just a symptom of dissatisfaction with what I have or is it a real call?” “The decision I make- is it out of what God has dictated or does it come from trying to please people?”
Eventually sleep will come tonight and eventually, I know, direction will come as well.
“Shew me thy ways, O Lord, and teach me thy paths. Lead me in thy truth and teach me for thou art the God of my salvation and on Thee do I wait all the day long.” Psalms 25:4,5